


All That Matters

by AuthorAlex97 (Sweetie_Curfy)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 19:58:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14921877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetie_Curfy/pseuds/AuthorAlex97
Summary: You’re lost, you’re found, you’re hard to pin down…Roman goes on long quests fairly often, which his boyfriend is normally okay with. When he leaves on one particularly long quest without saying goodbye, however, Virgil is more than a little hurt.





	All That Matters

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on "All That Matters" from RWBY, which you can listen to at the link below. Fic makes more sense if you listen to it first.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-hBThI31JU

The mug smashed against the floor, sending coffee and shards of ceramic everywhere.

At any other time, this would be a cause for panic. Virgil would be hyperventilating at the thought of pissing the others off. Patton would be bustling about getting him somewhere safe and trying to find a broom so no one would get hurt. Logan would be beginning a lecture on how this was an example on why he needs to be more careful.

But right now… There was silence.

Right now, for the first time in weeks—maybe even _months_ , gods, Virgil had stopped counting the days –right now, in the doorway of the kitchen, there was _Roman._

Emotions swirled in his stomach so fiercely he felt nauseated. Relief, joy, hope, bitterness, anger, _betrayal_. His eyes flicked up and down his boyfriend’s—ex-boyfriend’s? – _Roman’s_ body, searching for any hint of this being a hallucination. One look at Logan and Patton’s shocked expressions showed that this was real. Roman was _really here._

Holding out his arms, Roman offered a hesitant half-smile. There was a look in his eyes, one that Virgil had nearly forgotten over all this time, that was hopeful and nervous.

“I’m home?”

Virgil swallowed thickly. He’d had so much to say, so many ways to walk away. He had enough scenarios of insults and screaming and _brutal truths_ , that surely, _surely_ , one of them would come back to him now, and he could smugly watch as he hurt Roman as much as Roman had hurt him.

And yet… With Roman here in front of him, all that he could find in himself was forgiveness.

Carefully stepping over the broken ceramic, he ran forward and launched himself into his arms.

* * *

“He’s gone?”

Patton offered Virgil a sympathetic smile, keeping his hands at work as he stood at the stove. “Yeah, he told us to tell you goodbye for him. Says this quest might be a little longer than the others, but he’ll miss you.”

His voice was casual enough that it made Virgil question if he even looked like he felt—crushed, shocked, _unimportant._ A lump formed in his throat, choking off any and every word that could have possibly come to his blank mind. Dumbly, he sat in one of the chairs at the kitchen table; Logan cast him a quick glance over the binding of his book, but otherwise paid him no mind. _Is that how Roman sees me, too?_

The kitchen fell into a comfortable silence, and it felt grossly wrong to Virgil. Patton had gone back to his cooking, and Logan to his reading. A tremor began to settle in Virgil’s hands.

He swallowed thickly.

“Did… Did he say where he was going?”

His voice had hardly come out as a whisper. Regardless, Patton shook his head.

“Sorry, kiddo. Not this time. How do you want your eggs?”

Virgil didn’t have breakfast that morning.

* * *

It was far from the first time Roman had left on a quest.

They happened fairly often, if Virgil was to be completely honest. Sure, they didn’t ever really last this long, but, as Roman had said after one particularly long adventure, sometimes things get in the way. Monsters that are stronger than they look, wizards with spells that create new obstacles, members of his kingdom that need help, too.

“I know I can’t save everyone,” he’d told Virgil late one night, “But I want to try. I _have_ to try. I can’t fail my kingdom.”

“Doesn’t it get overwhelming, though?” Virgil had whispered back.

“Sometimes. But the reward of making someone happy always makes it worth it.”

Virgil had wondered when Roman would think he was important enough to do the same.

He couldn’t say he didn’t understand, though. Virgil had been there for almost all of his life. Fears could blind one’s way of thinking, shut down their logic and reasoning, and cause obsessions that dominate a lifetime. Virgil knew that—he was the embodiment of anxiety, after all –so he was, usually, more than okay to let Roman go off on his adventures if it meant keeping those fears at bay.

Did Virgil want him here by his side, safe in the mindscape? Of course. In fact, there was nothing that he dreamed of more. That very same night, he’d looked at Roman as they lay under the make-believe stars, melting as the starlight shone on his sleeping face, and wondered what it would be like if he never left again.

He knew that that was selfish. What did it matter if Roman left, if he always came back? That was what Virgil always said to himself when Roman left for his quests, and what he thought to himself when Patton spoke to him in the kitchen just a few weeks later.

The only difference this time was that Roman didn’t even say goodbye.

* * *

The empty water bottle crashed into the wall with a clatter that echoed through the apartment. Virgil walked over, picked it up, and threw it at the opposite wall. The rage in him rejoiced when it clattered louder than it had the previous time; the anxiety screamed that he was going to wake someone up and upset them.

It was 2:13 am. Virgil was in the living room. He couldn’t bring himself to care, only to walk over, pick up the water bottle, and repeat the process.

Upstairs, a door creaked open. Virgil froze. A flicker of hope sparked to life inside of him as footsteps stumbled down the hall. He took a couple of steps forward, just enough to see who was at the top of the stairs.

“Kiddo? What…?” A yawn. “W-What’re you doing?”

His heart sunk, creating just enough room for his rage to double in size. Tears welled up in Virgil’s eyes as he snatched the water bottle off of the floor and chucked it at the wall.

“He _left._ ”

Patton crept down the stairs, rubbing at his eye with one of his cat sweater paws. “Who did? Was someone here?”

Rolling his eyes, Virgil ignored him. “He didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Oh. _Oh._ ” Patton blinked, and Virgil assumed the events of the past few weeks finally caught up to him. A frown etched onto his face as he buried his hands in his front pocket. “Oh, Virgil… I’m sure he’ll be back soon—”

“That’s not the _point!_ ” he yelled. “What does it matter that he comes back if he’s just going to leave again in a couple of weeks?!”

Patton raised his hands. “Deep breaths, kiddo.”

“No! I don’t know why I even _trust_ him anymore, Patton!”

He started to pace, hands running through his hair.

“When he gets home, we are _done!_ ” he roared. “He can apologize and make excuse after excuse all he wants, but I am _not_ going to hear it! I’m gonna punch him right in that stupid princely jaw of his and walk away! Let’s see how _he_ likes watching his boyfriend leave for weeks at a time! I am his boyfriend, dammit! He doesn’t even care about me as much as he does his stupid make-believe kingdom; _what am I even worth to him?!_ ”

His breathing was heavy. Patton’s eyes were wide.

Virgil felt his lip trembling, and he bit down in an attempt to stop it; lowering his head, the shame and guilt began to overwhelm his senses. A sniffle made its way out before he could stop it.

“I… I _miss_ him.”

“Oh, kiddo…”

A protective grip enveloped his shaking frame, leading him to the couch as sobs began to wrack through his body.

Virgil fell asleep that night in Patton’s arms, with tear stains on his cheeks and a hole where his heart should have been.

It was nothing new.

* * *

Mornings were always hard after a sleepless night.

By the time Virgil had gotten down to the kitchen, Logan and Patton were already sitting with nearly empty plates in front of them. Their heads lifted to look at him, and he offered them a weak wave, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Patton offered him a sympathetic smile. For a split second, he braced himself for the news that Roman had left without saying goodbye.

“Rough night?” he asked instead. It had been a few weeks since Patton had found Virgil in the living room in the middle of the night, but things weren’t any better. He was silently grateful that he understood that.

Virgil nodded wordlessly and headed for the coffee pot. “Didn’t sleep.”

A sigh sounded. “Virgil, that isn’t healthy. Rest is incredibly important for your health, both physical and mental,” Logan stated. “You must start looking into ways of getting yourself to sleep. I fear for how this will effect you in the long run if you keep this up.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” Virgil grumbled. He grabbed a mug, running his fingers over the cool ceramic before setting it on the counter and filling it up.

“I would hope not,” Logan replied. “However, that doesn’t mean it’s not still a problem.”

“Logan’s right, Virgil. We’re really starting to worry about you,” Patton pointed out.

Without thinking about it, he let out a scoff. “What’s there to worry about? I’m nothing important.”

“I will physically fight you!”

“That is far from true, Virgil.”

Virgil huffed and squeezed his eyes shut; he lifted the coffee towards his face in an attempt to hide the burning of his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’m just… tired.”

“I would think so, if you didn’t get any sleep last night,” Logan stated.

Patton frowned, reaching over to rest his hand on Logan’s wrist. “I think he means emotionally, sweetheart.”

There was a pause. “Oh. My apologies.”

Virgil turned and leaned against the counter, taking a long sip of his coffee. He stared down into the liquid as soon as he lowered it; in the reflection, he could see deep, dark bags under his eyes. He hadn’t even put eye shadow on yet.

He bit back a sigh.

“I just hope Roman gets home soon.”

Patton opened his mouth, but no words came out; his eyes flicked to Logan’s, who briefly looked back before they turned their heads to the door. A frown etched onto Virgil’s face.

And then he heard footsteps.

Red snuck into the doorway.

His world fell still.

The mug smashed against the floor, sending coffee and shards of ceramic everywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> youtuberswithalex.tumblr.com


End file.
